im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
