We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
All I want is dick and wine.
that is very illegal...i love you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
