my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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