The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize