I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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