i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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