when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
