one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
