I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
