We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
