there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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