omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
