Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
