I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize