You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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