I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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