im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize