Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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