I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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