You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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