Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
