You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
