So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
