i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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