I'm going to jail i love you
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
