have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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