Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
