So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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