I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
