hotel room ftw
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
zippers are such a cool invention
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
