apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
