so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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