Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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