All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
