if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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