so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
