Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
