What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
