I skipped work to stalk him.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
