He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
