Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
