party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude i'm inner monologue high
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
