Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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