There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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