Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
