dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
