OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
