who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I will pee on everything he values.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
