Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
