halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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