i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
