is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
