You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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