oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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