I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize