So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
