She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
