We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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