imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
