If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
