I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
