I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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