he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
