There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
