so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
