Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
