There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
