woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
