Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
