eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize