dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
