highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
