just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She needs sedatives and a leash
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
