Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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