Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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