I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
