how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
